“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” -Nobody, ever

Isn’t it funny how the right combination of words, overheard and out of context, have the power to make us feel outright outrage for a total stranger? It isn’t ha-ha funny, but there’s a joke in there somewhere—a commentary on how we all take things too seriously. I do it; you do it. Inversely: isn’t it awesome how another equally unexpected combination of words can make us feel love and admiration for that same stranger?

*Snaps fingers*

Just like that, and I love somebody when I overhear them choosing their words with empathy and showing another person the same love and respect for which each of us yearns. It doesn’t even have to be directed at me to feel it; being near it is enough. Like when two people are “vibing,” as the kids like to say. When you’re vibing, you radiate a certain energy. It’s observable, quantifiable—just like stepping into a room stifled by tension. In the latter instance, you can feel the stifling tension. Even if the fight is over, a dead energy hangs in the air like a stench painted blue.

So, whoever said that bit about sticks and stones must not have gotten out much. On a daily basis, each of us faces instances of people dealing out strife and bliss using words. The exchange happens every time a conversation is had—be it casual smalltalk between friends or shouting in a blind rage at that person who just pulled out in front of you in traffic. That’s why it’s important to remember that perceived hostility is usually not even that so much as the fact that we’re all in such a hurry. In fact, when we allow ourselves to react violently to minor, everyday indiscretions like this, we are the ones perpetuating animosity. It could stop there.

But it doesn’t always stop there. Sometimes, angered, we launch into a tirade we believe this other inferior creature ought to hear, something about the audacity of others vs our own moral high ground—you know, that place from which we’re looking down on others in moments like this. We even presume to know what political party a person belongs to when they drive like that; which church they attend; whether or not they went to college…

Words have real power.

“Duh! That’s why we’re all here. Tell me something I don’t know.”

Alright, alright. Bear with me:

Coupled with emotion, words bind us to beliefs. That’s why it’s so important to chickity check ourselves from time to time. Especially if we’re telling ourselves the Sticks and Stones adage over and over again all day—which, let’s be honest, we are. In this dog eat dog world, it’s exactly what we tell ourselves. Not always, but probably most of the time. When we get fired from our job and our now ex-boss tells us how stupid we are on our way out the door; or when we get dumped; or when we accidentally put a foot in our mouths; etc.

Part of moving on is recognizing the grain of truth within the Sticks and Stones saying: other people’s opinions don’t necessarily hold any power over us. This is true. We can choose to be unaffected. Life goes on, for better or worse, no matter what anybody else thinks. However, the trouble with this logic is the possibility of taking it a step further. What we see then is the thought “Other people’s words don’t affect me” being replaced by “Other people’s words don’t matter.”

The distinction is startling.

Now more than ever as we enter the age of Deep Fake, we have no choice but to take all information we come across with a grain of salt. However, rational discernment is one thing; turning away completely is something else again. In fact, it’s the opposite of what anybody needs.

If the key is getting back through to one another—reminding ourselves that we’re all in this together—then language is the doorway. It doesn’t stand between us and isn’t in the way so much as it is The Way. So, here: allow me.

I’ll get the door for you. I know you’re in a hurry. So am I, but it only takes an extra second to be kind. I don’t mind. I know what it’s like. And, hey, if nobody else has told you today: You’re doing great. Don’t give up. You are loved. You are love. Tell the world. Safe travels, friend.

*art by Samsonovich